I use to think my life was perfect. Truly I did. I would often time think about how lucky I was to have the textbook family, great friends, a bright future, and overall just a carefree life. It was like I won the lottery; hit the jackpot in what I thought was the picture-perfect lifestyle…until my winning streak was over…and reality set in.
Losing my mom at twenty-one was the worst day of my life. Realizing I was going to have to reach milestones without her, live my life without her, and do everything without her; killed me inside. The day my mother passed away from a three-year battle with cancer was the day I realized my life wasn’t so picture-perfect after all.
It’s now been two years since my mom has been gone and I am pleased to let you all know I have somehow managed to survive 730 days. I’m not really sure how I made it, but I have a bit of a theory. Wearing her clothes, embracing her memories, and cherishing her soul are how I may have gotten through each day; because those simple things honor my mother and are how I have reassured myself she is still always right by my side.
I won’t lie to you, though; the past two years have been rough. And frankly, though each day offers more healing, it never gets easier. There have been plenty of times I wish my mom could meet the new people in my life, I could call her to tell her my good news, my bad news or even just shoot the shit; but sadly I cannot. I wish every day I could still do the things people do with their mothers that they often take for granted; the simple little moments I only have memories of now. But I can’t. And as I have learned, there is truly more to life than just here in the physical world.
As I continue to live my life each and every day, I always keep in the back of my mind my mother and always aim to make her proud. One of the most important things I am thankful for from my mother is her strength because it is how I continue to live the greatest gift she ever gave me; my life. All I can say is, I miss my mom, every day, every damn day; but I’m doing just fine and will continue to do just fine thanks to her love and the love I surround myself with each day.
Forever with Love & Never Goodbye,
Peanut.
